Aches and Pains
Dec. 26th, 2003 01:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vollmusWow, does that phrase bring back memories! Definitely not the same meaning this time though, so I won't tell the story. It's hilarious, but vaguely embarassing.
Anyways. [Man, I really need to come up with a new word for that...] I have Left. Has anyone ever heard of Rita Rudner? She is a comedian, and in at least one of her routines, she talks about how her husband gets Left. It is a desease that he made up: everything hurts on his left side. Her cure "involves a baseball bat, and it gives him Right."
I suppose I only have Upper Left, but that's beside the point. I think something happened to my left lung and my left shoulder. My shoulder aches constantly, has for the past three to four days, and the left side of my chest hurts whenever I take deep breaths, laugh, sing, or cough; these are what make me believe it's my lung that is bruised or whatever is wrong with whatever it is. It hurts, man. I just want to go to bed, sleep, and not wake up until all the aches go away. I hate it when I get UL (Upper Left); I've had it before, but this has got to be the worst case. I can't take it anymore! The more depressed I am, the less it hurts (there is a distinct lack of laughing and/or dramatic pauses when I'm not happy), but I can't stop laughing! What I read is funny, what I watch is funny, what I see, hear, say, imagine. It's absolutely impossible!
Diagnosis: Upper Left.
Cure: None.
i. All known cures add to the total amount of pain, which is not favorable.
ii. Lack of anything remotely related to "fun," "enjoyment," etc will relieve stress to lung.
a. However, this will quicken the inevitable. [See below.]
Prognosis: Insanity.
Anyways. [Man, I really need to come up with a new word for that...] I have Left. Has anyone ever heard of Rita Rudner? She is a comedian, and in at least one of her routines, she talks about how her husband gets Left. It is a desease that he made up: everything hurts on his left side. Her cure "involves a baseball bat, and it gives him Right."
I suppose I only have Upper Left, but that's beside the point. I think something happened to my left lung and my left shoulder. My shoulder aches constantly, has for the past three to four days, and the left side of my chest hurts whenever I take deep breaths, laugh, sing, or cough; these are what make me believe it's my lung that is bruised or whatever is wrong with whatever it is. It hurts, man. I just want to go to bed, sleep, and not wake up until all the aches go away. I hate it when I get UL (Upper Left); I've had it before, but this has got to be the worst case. I can't take it anymore! The more depressed I am, the less it hurts (there is a distinct lack of laughing and/or dramatic pauses when I'm not happy), but I can't stop laughing! What I read is funny, what I watch is funny, what I see, hear, say, imagine. It's absolutely impossible!
Diagnosis: Upper Left.
Cure: None.
i. All known cures add to the total amount of pain, which is not favorable.
ii. Lack of anything remotely related to "fun," "enjoyment," etc will relieve stress to lung.
a. However, this will quicken the inevitable. [See below.]
Prognosis: Insanity.
