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vollmusMy english essay looms over me like the dark clouds of my pathetic existence. I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't laugh, I can't cry without thinking about the double sided page of essay prompts detailing the longest essay of my life - the longest simply because it is intruding so profoundly upon my time of the year for joy, laughter, hugs and puppies.
How is it that school is so incredibly important to me while at the same time it is at the bottom of my list of things to do? How can I put off assignments with the skill of a professional without forgetting about them for a single second?
I am sick of my schoolwork being forever in the back of my mind, taunting me with the promise of mind-mutilation in the form of labs, essays, maths, and reports. I am sick of being able to ignore but not drown out these tauntings.
It comes down to this. Either I will crack under the pressure and complete my essay and report within the next few days, or I will stand up for my procrastinistic ways and refuse to begin until Friday. The first way will lead me on the path of the ultimate anti-Lynnism, the path of constant preparation and study, the path of the uber nerd. The second will take me far away from the first, toward a school in the state, toward my friends' non-existent dreams, toward all I've ever hated for my future.
I know which path I want to be on. But do I have the inner strength to follow it? Once I begin, I could veer off at any point. To do so would be fatal to the cause, and revert my destiny to that of the second path - a destiny full of self-hate, disappointment, and a distinct lack of east coast-college-friendly after-school activities.
I really wish there were a white flag in this metaphor.
How is it that school is so incredibly important to me while at the same time it is at the bottom of my list of things to do? How can I put off assignments with the skill of a professional without forgetting about them for a single second?
I am sick of my schoolwork being forever in the back of my mind, taunting me with the promise of mind-mutilation in the form of labs, essays, maths, and reports. I am sick of being able to ignore but not drown out these tauntings.
It comes down to this. Either I will crack under the pressure and complete my essay and report within the next few days, or I will stand up for my procrastinistic ways and refuse to begin until Friday. The first way will lead me on the path of the ultimate anti-Lynnism, the path of constant preparation and study, the path of the uber nerd. The second will take me far away from the first, toward a school in the state, toward my friends' non-existent dreams, toward all I've ever hated for my future.
I know which path I want to be on. But do I have the inner strength to follow it? Once I begin, I could veer off at any point. To do so would be fatal to the cause, and revert my destiny to that of the second path - a destiny full of self-hate, disappointment, and a distinct lack of east coast-college-friendly after-school activities.
I really wish there were a white flag in this metaphor.
