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Identification Blues
Jan. 11th, 2004 04:57 pmOn Monday, nearly thirty ID terms for the Middle Ages are due for my World History class. ID terms are definitions on steroids. There must at least three sentences, one for each the general definition, more detail, and finally historical importance.
No one truly enjoys ID terms.
I can't believe I left them until today again! I am so sick of doing a ton of work the day before something big is due, but I don't have enough self discipline to do otherwise. I really need to start working on that, but like I said...
It took me a looong time to come up with my sn for leet hacks, this board my brother goes to and made me sign up for. I finally decided on Alatáriël, the Elvish name for Lynn. I suppose I'll be going by Riel there. /shrug
***Churchy stuff ahead. Just warning you. (^_~)***
Today at church, one of the teachers said that "you can depend on [Jesus and God], [they] won't let you down." So why do I feel like they have let me down? All around me are these people who say that they have strong testimonies of the Bible and the Book of Mormon (yes, I'm -sort of- Mormon/LDS), and that prayer and scripture study helped them find the answer. Well, I've prayed sincerely and often, I've read the scriptures, and I haven't received any answer whatsoever. I was crying when I prayed the other night, begging for an answer. It's killing me, being around all these people who either don't believe at all or are so sure, and not knowing myself. Because I don't know this, I don't and can't know who I am. Am I a daughter of God? A sister of Christ? Or just a girl born the United States with a longing to be somewhere else?
I am so sick of not knowing. I would just stop trying and say, "Oh, it's not true, they aren't real, because I haven't received an answer to a prayer asking the question in my entire life," but what if it is true? I feel like it's soemthing that I can't just ignore, but I don't know why. Is it just because that's how I was raised, to believe in the church, or is it because I'm getting promptings from the Spirit?
I really don't need this right now. I'm trying to figure out enough already, including what the heck I am living for anyways, without the questions of eternity weighing on me. Can't I just know? Is it so hard to just tell me, Heavenly Father? Please! This is seriously killing me. If this continues, sometime I am going to snap, and I'd much rather not have to worry about that possibility.
No one truly enjoys ID terms.
I can't believe I left them until today again! I am so sick of doing a ton of work the day before something big is due, but I don't have enough self discipline to do otherwise. I really need to start working on that, but like I said...
It took me a looong time to come up with my sn for leet hacks, this board my brother goes to and made me sign up for. I finally decided on Alatáriël, the Elvish name for Lynn. I suppose I'll be going by Riel there. /shrug
***Churchy stuff ahead. Just warning you. (^_~)***
Today at church, one of the teachers said that "you can depend on [Jesus and God], [they] won't let you down." So why do I feel like they have let me down? All around me are these people who say that they have strong testimonies of the Bible and the Book of Mormon (yes, I'm -sort of- Mormon/LDS), and that prayer and scripture study helped them find the answer. Well, I've prayed sincerely and often, I've read the scriptures, and I haven't received any answer whatsoever. I was crying when I prayed the other night, begging for an answer. It's killing me, being around all these people who either don't believe at all or are so sure, and not knowing myself. Because I don't know this, I don't and can't know who I am. Am I a daughter of God? A sister of Christ? Or just a girl born the United States with a longing to be somewhere else?
I am so sick of not knowing. I would just stop trying and say, "Oh, it's not true, they aren't real, because I haven't received an answer to a prayer asking the question in my entire life," but what if it is true? I feel like it's soemthing that I can't just ignore, but I don't know why. Is it just because that's how I was raised, to believe in the church, or is it because I'm getting promptings from the Spirit?
I really don't need this right now. I'm trying to figure out enough already, including what the heck I am living for anyways, without the questions of eternity weighing on me. Can't I just know? Is it so hard to just tell me, Heavenly Father? Please! This is seriously killing me. If this continues, sometime I am going to snap, and I'd much rather not have to worry about that possibility.
