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To Be Alone
Sep. 3rd, 2004 03:54 pmI've just noticed how this song actually fits my situation in some ways. It's very amusing.
My brother fell asleep on the couch last night (this morning), and my mom came in awhile ago to wake him up. She has this horrible baby voice that she uses to wake us up, and it makes me cringe. She was in here, rubbing his chin and gurgling at him, for about ten minutes when I said, "David, just get up so she'll shut up."
I was mostly joking, even though I really did want her to be quiet, and I said it with a smile. She didn't care though. She just looked all hurt and got up and left the room. My brother looked at me and I rolled my eyes at him. Mothers.
She just came in and told me that what I said was very hurtful. I told her I was sorry, and I really am, because now she'll be looking at me all day with stupid doe eyes that make me want to scream at her to get a life. She continued on to say that she used to wake us up like that all the time and we loved it. I wanted to say that that was the problem--we're not five anymore, and being talked to like babies is extremely irking, not to mention I hate having my chin rubbed, but I didn't. Because that would have made the doe eyes worse, and that would have been too much like my brother, after the can of worms was opened.
If I had told her that, the rest of my time in this house would have been that much worse. She would have love/hated me that much more, and wished for me to be more like Juli that much more. I can barely handle it the way it is now, why would I want to make it worse? Once I've graduated, my dreams are going to come true where my brother's didn't. I'm not going to be stuck here like he is. I'm leaving, and I'm going far away--to New York, Philadelphia, Florida, New Jersey, Massachusetts, So. Cal., anywhere--and not come back until they are dying, or maybe for Christmas. I'll miss my dad and my brother and my sister, but my sister has all of the likable qualities of my mother in her so I won't miss her.
I can't wait. Here I come, future--I won't be looking back. (Much.)
My brother fell asleep on the couch last night (this morning), and my mom came in awhile ago to wake him up. She has this horrible baby voice that she uses to wake us up, and it makes me cringe. She was in here, rubbing his chin and gurgling at him, for about ten minutes when I said, "David, just get up so she'll shut up."
I was mostly joking, even though I really did want her to be quiet, and I said it with a smile. She didn't care though. She just looked all hurt and got up and left the room. My brother looked at me and I rolled my eyes at him. Mothers.
She just came in and told me that what I said was very hurtful. I told her I was sorry, and I really am, because now she'll be looking at me all day with stupid doe eyes that make me want to scream at her to get a life. She continued on to say that she used to wake us up like that all the time and we loved it. I wanted to say that that was the problem--we're not five anymore, and being talked to like babies is extremely irking, not to mention I hate having my chin rubbed, but I didn't. Because that would have made the doe eyes worse, and that would have been too much like my brother, after the can of worms was opened.
If I had told her that, the rest of my time in this house would have been that much worse. She would have love/hated me that much more, and wished for me to be more like Juli that much more. I can barely handle it the way it is now, why would I want to make it worse? Once I've graduated, my dreams are going to come true where my brother's didn't. I'm not going to be stuck here like he is. I'm leaving, and I'm going far away--to New York, Philadelphia, Florida, New Jersey, Massachusetts, So. Cal., anywhere--and not come back until they are dying, or maybe for Christmas. I'll miss my dad and my brother and my sister, but my sister has all of the likable qualities of my mother in her so I won't miss her.
I can't wait. Here I come, future--I won't be looking back. (Much.)
